The Varied Insanities of Melfina the Blue

Title: Grief does strange things to a man
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Harry/Draco, Lucius/Petunia
Disclaimer: All those in favour of my owning HP so we could have more nude scenes? Sigh. Anyway everything belongs to JKR, yada yada yada.
Summary: Tom the barman knows all the gossip. Including the strange story of how Lucius Malfoy ended up kissing a Muggle and how Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter ended up a couple.
Warnings: bslash, het, mention of possible mpreg
Word Count: 2820
Author's Notes: I know, you're seeing that Lucius/Petunia and running in fear. But you shouldn't. I promise, there's not much, and you get an H/D shower scene to make up for it. Plus, don't you want to know how that pairing could ever occur?
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Um, so I did stuff today. Bunnies bit, and they bit hard. Of course neither was for any of my exchange fics. Figures. One you get now, and the other will be finished, and then sent off to the beta. (It's very similar to an idea she's done, and I want her approval before I stick it anywhere.)
Title: The 10 Rules of Possession, According to Draco Malfoy
Author: melfinatheblue
Challenge: Christmas present for stonegrad who is an awesome beta and writes great Malfoycest.
Character/s: Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, Severus Snape, Pansy Parkinson
Pairing/s: Lucius/Narcissa, Lucius/Severus, Draco/Severus, Draco/Pansy, Draco/Lucius
Word count: 2505ish
Rating: R
Warnings: Malfoycest, teacher-student relations, slash, het, mention of spankings, oral molestation of a banana, mention of oral self-satisfaction, and the weirdest warnings list I've ever seen
Author notes: Merry Christmas Stonegrad! I hope you like it.
The stuff in italics, aka the Toddler Rules, taken from here and not mine And if you've never seen a banana being orally molested, you should watch Dangerous Beauty. It's an excellent movie (and not a porno).

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Title:My Handsome Prince Part 2/2
Author:melfinatheblue
Rating:R
Characters:Lucius Malfoy, Dolores Umbridge, Severus Snape, Narcissa Malfoy, Draco Malfoy, Antonin Dolohov
Pairings:Lucius/Severus, Lucius/Dolores,
Summary:Ms Umbridge has a crush on Lucius. This is not a happy thing as far as Lucius is concerned.
Warnings: Het, stalking, cursing,
Word Count:2020
Notes: Yay, I finished it. Um, no actual described sex because, well, my brain shut down when I tried to picture it. First part is here.
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Title:My Handsome Prince Part 1/2
Author:melfinatheblue
Rating:R
Characters:Lucius Malfoy, Dolores Umbridge, Severus Snape, Narcissa Malfoy, Draco Malfoy
Pairings:Lucius/Severus, Lucius/Dolores,
Summary:Ms Umbridge has a crush on Lucius. This is not a happy thing as far as Lucius is concerned. Throw in Death Eaters plotting, spiked punch, a Masquerade at Hogwarts, and well, you've got a story.
Warnings:slash, het, stalking, underage stripping, hints of Draco being sexually attracted to his father. Oh and mushy bits.
Word Count:4100ish for this bit
Notes: I am not responsible for the teacup song. That's eeyore's fault. She egged me on, really. Okay, so the stripping was all me. And I have no idea where any of the rest came from. I think my Lucius muse went into traumatic overdrive. In part two, she might actually blow up the world to prevent Umbridge from going on a date.
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Second part is here

Title:How Could You Use a Poor Maiden So?
Author/Artist:melfinatheblue
Rating:R
Pairing:Lucius/Hermione, Lucius/Severus
Summary:Lucius is trying to use Hermione to get out of Azkaban after Deathly Hallows
Warnings:Het, Slash, not canon-compliant (because I decided some characters didn't die and, um, there is no epilogue)
Notes:Originally a challenge fic, but I missed the challenge.
Word Count:3500
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So the Internet is for porn day's coming up, and I had a plot bunny for it. This is it. Somewhere along the way it went from porn to crack, but I still like it. Anyway, enjoy.
Title:Harry at Malfoy Manor
Rating: Um, I dunno, R for the one paragraph of porn I managed to get in there
Warnings: het sex, AU fic, traumatized 12 year-old (but not abused, molested or hurt in any way. It's a light-hearted fic, really)
Paring: Lucius Malfoy/Lily Potter (I mentioned AU, right)
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Part 2 here