The Varied Insanities of Melfina the Blue

Title: Lucius Malfoy and the Cauldron of Doom Part 9 and the Epilogue of DOOM
Author/Artist: melfinatheblue
Rating: R
Pairing: Lucius/Severus(past), Lucius/Narcissa, Draco/Pansy(not really in this bit), Harry/Draco, Harry/Oliver Wood, Lucius/an OC has now occurred. After all, Lucius does have to keep up the Slytherin Sex God image.
Summary: I pretend I know what I'm doing and wrap up all my loose ends? Um, well, there's a graduation party, a cunning plan, and a bit of sex. Also, magic gone wrong, and young love.
Warnings: voyeurism, pornography, magic compelling sex (though the intention was not that), possible threesome, epilogue.
Prompt: Lucius has been a bad boy and as punishment, The Ministry force him to take over the job of Potions Master. No-one ever said The Ministry had any sense.
Notes: IT'S DONE! Thank you everyone who's been patiently waiting. And no, there is no more. This WIP has ceased to be. It is a dead WIP. (okay, I'll stop doing the dead parrot sketch now). But yes, this is the end of Cauldron of Doom. If I missed any loose ends, or left out bits you wanted to see let me know. I may not do anything about it, but it's nice to know.
Word Count:4650
If you want to start from the beginning
Previous Part here

The room was small and dark, with shelves full of strange substances. Lucius sat at a small desk, grading papers. Nathan sat across from him, reading the Daily Prophet.

"I was talking to Alan at breakfast and he wanted me to ask you something."

"And he doesn't come ask me himself why?"

"Something about being afraid you'll shove a beater's bat where the sun doesn't shine. I told him you weren't going to hurt him, but he seems to be terrified of you."

"I've noticed. What did he want to know?"

"Well, he thought it would be a nice idea to have a graduation party. Apparently it's an American thing, celebrating leaving school."

"Would this be for all the students?"

"Just the seventh-years."

"Tell him I like the idea, but he needs to come talk to me himself if he wants me involved. And he has no reason to fear, my beater's bat is currently occupied."

"Is that a roundabout way of saying 'take off your clothes so I can shag you senseless?'"

"Possibly, but not here. Not enough space."

"I don't know. I've heard some interesting tales about what you and the former potions master got up to in this office."

"Well, yes, but that was before the Dark Lord decided to give me a bad back. Sadly, one must give way to the onslaughts of age upon one's body."

"That is an impressively pretentious sentence."

"Thank you."

"If I ask nicely, will you shag me senseless?"

"You know I have papers to grade, don't you?"

"Yes, and I also know that your beater's bat is very lonely and needs some company."

Lucius started laughing at that. Nathan smiled.

"You know, one of my goals in this relationship is to break that Malfoy serenity as often as possible."

Lucius was now turning red. His sides heaved as he tried to stop.

"You're killing me."

"I certainly hope not. I want a good shag before I let you die. Here, have some water."

Lucius gulped down the water. His face was bright red, and he was breathing hard.

"Alright, I give. We'll wander off to my room."

"Mine is closer."

"You are irrepressible."

"Your point?"

"Fine, your room it is."

//////////////////////////

McGonagall frowned as Peters and Malfoy walked through the hallway. Malfoy was a one man disease of inappropriate and licentious behavior. He spread corruption like the plague. Merlin knows she'd tried to control him, but he simply could not be contained. He belonged in Azkaban, not here teaching impressionable young people. And he was not only infecting students, but now staff! He had to be stopped. She resolved to bring the issue up with the governors and the Ministry as soon as possible. She'd been against a Death Eater teaching from the beginning, and everyone knew Malfoy had no morals, none whatsoever.

"What are you two doing?"

"We're discussing the possibility of holding a graduation party, Headmistress."

"I thought Alan was handling that."

"We're going to find him now."

"Planning on threatening him with a beater's bat, Malfoy?"

"Not really, no. As you can see," said Lucius, spreading his outer robe wide, "I have no such article upon my person."

Peters snickered. McGonagall stared at him.

"What's so funny, Nathan?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. Really."

"Well, I need to talk to Alan as well, so I'll just come along with you two."

"As you wish, Headmistress."

McGonagall frowned. She knew, she just knew, that Malfoy was up to something, something awful. If she kept a close eye on him, maybe she could stop him and get him locked up in Azkaban, where he belonged. He'd slip up sooner or later. Evil people always did.

Lucius could feel the Headmistress staring at him. She had apparently decided that all the problems in the world were his fault. It seemed rather unfair. Granted, he might have had something to do with the rise in school violence, but he'd just helped the Slytherins to fight back. It was the Gryffindors, smug in their moral superiority, that were responsible. Honestly, what was so great about moral superiority? He rather suspected that the Headmistress had gone so long without sex that she wouldn't know what to do with a cock if one presented itself to her. If that was where moral superiority led, he'd take the sex any day of the week. Lost in his thoughts, he failed to see Nathan stop at Alan's door and ran right into him.

"Steady on."

"Sorry, Nathan."

"Well, I'll knock, shall I? If he hears you, he might just decide to never open the door again."

"I cannot be held responsible for his unreasoning fear of me."

Nathan patted Lucius on the back.

"You know, you can be quite terrifying when you put your mind to it."

"All part of the aristocratic training."

"So your son can do that too."

"He's still working on it. I have high hopes."

"Will one of you knock? I do have other things to be doing."

"Sorry Headmistress," the two said in unison.

"Just get out of the way and let me deal with it."

She pushed them both aside and knocked at the door.

"Professor? Alan? You in there?"

The door opened a crack, and Alan looked out. He smiled at the Headmistress and paled at the sight of Lucius.

"Oh, Headmistress, come in."

"Thank you, Alan. Now, I hear you have an excellent idea. Something about a party?"

"Yes, I thought that with so many 7th years, and the unpleasantness that happened last year, well, everyone deserved a party to celebrate their leaving school. In America we have a ceremony and generally big parties for graduation, and it seems like a nice custom to start here."

"We could clear out the Great Hall.."

"Actually, it's probably not a good idea to hold it at Hogwarts. You'd have trouble keeping the younger students out, and it's really for the graduates themselves. A way to let loose and celebrate. They might have trouble with that if we hold it here, with all of us chaperoning. So, I figured I'd ask if anyone knew of an large venue."

"Well, there's Malfoy's place. I'd think you could fit all of Wizarding Britain in there. Plenty of places for students to sneak off if they want, lovely gardens, even a lake."

"I really don't know," said Alan, looking hesitantly at Lucius.

"Nonsense," Lucius said. "My wife loves throwing parties, and we haven't had a good one this year. Plus, with the Quidditch court, we could even have a couple of good-will games. Say Slytherin/Gryffindor against Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw? Really try to demonstrate to the students that old house affiliations don't mean much once you leave school."

"I don't know."

"Think of what we could do with all that space. We could invite parents as well, and the students would have no trouble getting away from them. And Alan, I promise that Lucius will stay far away from you, won't you, Lucius?"

"If you wish. My wife would be the one planning it anyway, so there's really not much of a reason for me to be involved."

"For chaperoning, surely?"

"Headmistress, I rather doubt my wife needs chaperoning."

"No, you'll be chaperoning this thing. We all will."

Lucius made a bow.

"As you command, headmistress."

"And stop that. I worked with Snape for many years, and I know snark when I see it."

"As you wish, Headmistress."

"Alan, I want final approval on all plans. Malfoy, go do your grading or something, and Nathan, I think you've got a study session in half an hour."

Lucius nodded and walked out of the room. He'd had it up to here with the Headmistress. It was time to put plan Binns into action. He walked quickly back to his office and flooed 'Cissa.

"Lucius, what a nice surprise."

"I want a favor."

"Do I get jewelry draped admiringly across my naked body while you worship me?"

Lucius adjusted his trousers. They'd suddenly gotten a bit too tight.

"Yes, 'Cissa, once the school year is over."

"Alright, then. What do you need?"

"I want Binns fired. He's senile. You're still playing bridge with most of the governors wives, aren't you?"

"Yes. Can a ghost be senile?"

"He thinks it's the late 1800s. He doesn't know who any of his students are, and he thinks I'm my great-uncle who died in 1910. He's not fit to teach recent history."

"I think I can persuade them that a new professor of history is needed."

"Have I told you lately that in addition to being stunningly gorgeous, you're also brilliant?"

"No, but I appreciate the sentiment. When are you coming home next?"

"The end of the school year."

"That's three months from now. You don't get Easter break off?"

"No, sadly not."

"That'll get mentioned to them as well."

"Oh, you may get contacted by Alan. I volunteered the Manor for a leaving school party."

"A nice goodwill gesture."

"That's what I thought."

"Maybe I could talk Alan into a inspection of the grounds? If he brings you along, that is."

"You'd likely get McGonagall as well."

"Not really a problem, dear. Give Draco a kiss from me, and tell him to behave."

"Yes, dearest."

"Oh, and Lucius?"

"Yes?"

A bundle came through the flames.

"Just something to keep you warm on those long lonely nights. Have a good day and call me again soon."

The flames went out, and Lucius stared at the bundle. He unwrapped it carefully, completely failing to notice Draco, who'd snuck in and was now standing behind him, looking over his shoulder. Lucius picked up the first photograph to get a better look.

"Oh God, my eyes!"

Lucius spun around. Draco had theatrically covered his eyes.

"Draco, you shouldn't sneak up on me."

"Those are naked pictures of my mother! Why do you have naked pictures of Mother?"

"Because she's my wife."

"But eew!"

"Draco, you must come to terms with the fact that I have had sex with your mother. Honestly, you wouldn't exist otherwise."

"EEEW!"

Draco put his fingers in his ears. Lucius pulled them back out again.

"Father!"

"Draco, take a deep breath and calm down. Your mother and I have had sex, and will continue to have sex. Your mother is a stunningly beautiful woman, and I'm lucky to have her. And you didn't react this way when you walked in on me and Severus, so why now?"

"Well, it's mother."

"Yes, and?"

"I don't know. It's just mother."

Lucius shook his head.

"Sometimes, Draco, you make no sense at all. Now, what did you want?"

"Extra study sessions."

"Potions?"

"Yes. All of us. Or rather all of us will want them, once I threaten them enough."

"Draco, threats?"

"Remember how we all have to pass for you to stay out of Azkaban?"

Lucius had, in fact, been trying very hard not to think about that. Most of the students were doing well, but Potter would be lucky to get a T at the rate he'd been going. Merlin knew he'd tried to shove knowledge into Potter's thick skull, but it didn't seem to take. He sometimes wondered if the boy had any skill at anything besides Seeking at all.

"Don't worry, father, he'll pass. If I managed to get Goyle and Crabbe through Hogwarts, I can get Potter through Advanced Potions."

"Crabbe and Goyle liked you. Potter hates you."

"Well, that's just more incentive for him to study. And I bet I'll even get Granger on my side. He'll have to give in then. So, don't worry, I have a cunning plan."

Draco was rather hurt when Lucius burst out laughing. He sat down on his father's desk, fully prepared to sulk.

"Sorry, Draco. Just reminded me of something Severus showed me once. I'm sure it's a very good plan, and extremely cunning."

Draco smiled.

"It is. No sex unless he studies."

"Is he sleeping with Granger? I rather thought she was Weasley's girlfriend."

"He's not. He's sleeping with the Weaselette, who wants him to pass potions so he can become an auror. And I've talked to her. She's agreed to this, as has Granger. And Granger even came up with some useful spells."

"Good, Draco, good. Now, when do you want these extra sessions to take place?"

"Here's the options."

Draco handed Lucius a list. Lucius glanced at it.

"Thursday nights are fine. Draco, should I just forget about the plan now, so I can claim perfect innocence when the Headmistress finds out about it."

"Possibly a good idea. Now, did mother send me anything?"

"No, other than a kiss."

"Damn. I was hoping for some treats."

"Go study, and I'll be sure to mention that your sweet tooth is aching next time I talk to her."

Draco smiled and walked off. Lucius tried to get back to his grading. It galled him, that his continued freedom (well, if you could call being stuck at Hogwarts 10 months of the year freedom) depended on the boy who lived to be an idiot. He sighed, and got a cup of tea. He simply had to trust in Draco.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Three Months later, just after the NEWTs
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Lucius sat outside the governors' meeting, with the rest of the Hogwarts staff. Narcissa'd done well, and today was the day the governors decided whether to sack Binns or not. So far, he'd heard a great deal of yelling, and had given his ten minute testimony. It had amused him to see that some of the governors were still scared of him. Nice to know that his reputation still had some power.

And speaking of power, the boy who was annoying had managed to improve greatly. Apparently cutting off sex was a great inducement. He could see how that might be so, but he'd never needed such things to excel in his studies. A rogue time-turner was all one needed, really, to get enough sleep, get all your studying done, and have enough time left over to sleep with anyone who took your fancy. Draco seemed to be managing well enough without one, though he did look rather paler than usual of late. Lucius made a mental note to floo 'Cissa and ask her to have some treats ready for Draco's homecoming. The boy certainly deserved them.
The door opened, and he and the rest of the staff stood up. The headmistress stormed out, obviously extremely upset. Lucius smirked. He'd won. It was nice to have a victory, however small. Now, if Potter had managed to pass the Potions exam, life would be good. Honestly, as long as he managed to avoid a P or T, that would do. At least the lack of sex seemed to be concentrating Potter's mind admirably. Or perhaps it was one of the spells Draco had mentioned. He didn't really care so long as Potter passed. The governors walked out, several of them taking care to not walk by Lucius. Apparently they were done, and so was Binns. He followed them out, deciding to wander back to his quarters and pack. The train left in two hours, and he wanted to be ready.

“Father?”

“Draco?”

“Could I talk to you for a moment, in private?”

“Of course. Come to my office.”

Draco followed him to his office. Lucius closed the door, and set an eavesdropping hex. He turned to Draco, noting for the first time how worried the boy looked. He pulled the boy to him and hugged him.

“Now, what's so bad, my dragon?”

Draco smiled a bit at the pet name.

“I think I may have done something really bad.”

“And what was this?”

“Well, you know my cunning plan?”

“Yes, and thus far it's been working quite well, I might add.”

“Something went wrong.”

“What? Potter find out you talked his girl into it?”

“Worse. We were using spells so that he'd turn his frustrated sexual energy into studying and something went wrong.”

“What went wrong?”

“Well, apparently we managed to turn Potter gay for me. Not sure how that happened, but now he's almost stalking me. And he's always staring at my arse.”

Lucius turned Draco around.

“It's a nice arse, Draco. I can see why someone might stare at it.”

“He's not getting anywhere near it.”

“And you thought I might have a solution.”

“Yes.”

Lucius ran his hand through his hair as he thought.

“Is he still attracted to the Weaselette?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Then we have two options. One, a sexual experience with someone of the same sex, or two, pretend the problem doesn't exist and hope it goes away.”

“Or three, fix it with more magic?”

“Draco, at this point more magic will likely just make things worse.”

“Father, I really don't want to seduce Potter.”

“Are you sure? You've stared at his arse more than once.”

“Oh god, father!”

Lucius held up his hands placatingly.

“So, that's out.”

“I know. You can seduce him! He stares at your arse in Potions all the time.”

“Draco, that is possibly the worst idea I've ever heard. First, I'd have to get your mother's permission. Second, I'm quite content with Nathan, and third, Harry Potter! Think about that, Draco. I sleep with Harry Potter, and no one will ever believe that he wasn't coerced, and they'll dig, and find evidence of your little plan. No, not happening.”

“But, father!”

“No, and that's final. Now, I think you have packing to do. I'll see you on the train, and your mother has dress robes laid out at home.”

“Has it occurred to her yet that I'm old enough to pick out my own clothes?”

“She still tries to pick out mine from time to time. Just humor her, it keeps her happy.”

“If you say so. See you on the train. I'll save you a seat in the good carriage, shall I?

“Thank you, Draco.”

“Just think Father, you survived the year.”

“Barely.”

“Oh, father?”

“Yes?”

“Put up soundproofing charms when you get home tonight. Intellectually I am well-aware that my parents have sex, but that certainly doesn't mean I want to hear my mother screaming 'oh god, Lucius' at the top of her lungs.”

Lucius mimed smacking Draco, who laughed and wandered out of the room. Lucius followed shortly behind, locking the door. Thank Merlin this year was just about over. All he had to do was chaperone the Graduation Party tomorrow night, and then he was free till August. It sounded like bliss.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
The Graduation Party
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It was a decent party, as parties go. The students certainly seemed to be having fun, the Headmistress was run off her feet, and Lucius was enjoying holding his wife as they danced. It was the simple joys in life, really.

“I told you, BUGGER OFF POTTER!”

And it was another of the simple joys (and occasionally a complex problem) who'd just shouted. Lucius and Narcissa both turned to look at Draco. He was glaring at Potter, and doing his best imitation of “Death Eater Glare”.

“But Draco, I love you. How can you turn your back on that?”

“Simple, Potter, like this.”

And Draco turned away from Potter, who promptly goosed him. Draco spun back around, wand at the ready. Lucius decided it might be time to step in.

“Draco, no hexing the guests. Potter, no groping my son. Now, either one of you confused about these rules?”

“No, father.”

“But I love him.”

“Love is not an excuse for inappropriate physical touching.”

“But I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”

Draco rolled his eyes.

“Potter, no more alcohol. You're sticking to water, and you're staying with me the rest of the evening. Or better yet, where's Miss Weasley? She can keep an eye on you.”

“I hate her. I love him.”

“And he's in love with someone else, Potter, so you're simply going to have to learn to do without.”

Hermione Granger came running up out of the maze.

“Harry, there you are. Come on, we're going down to the pond.”

“Miss Granger. Can I trust you to keep Mister Potter away from my son?”

“Sure. Why? What's going on?”

“I love him, Hermione, and we're going to get married and have little Malfoy babies with white-blond hair just like his and...”

“NOT EVER, POTTER! EEW!”

“Harry, I think you should come tell me all about it at the pond, don't you?”

“But how will my Malfoy-iggums survive without me?”

“Potter, even if I liked you, I wouldn't have anything to do with you if you called me something like that.”

Hermione dragged Harry off to the pond, and Lucius pushed Draco towards Narcissa.

“Father.”

“Draco, just stay with your mother for a bit.”

“I didn't do anything, father.”

“I know, Draco.”

Lucius followed Hermione down to the pond. He could hear Potter waxing rhapsodic about his life-to-be with Draco. Obviously the spell was stronger than Lucius had originally thought, or alternately, there'd been some previous attraction, no matter how repressed, that the spell had attached itself to and fed on. Either way, it needed to be dealt with.

“Miss Granger?”

Hermione turned around to see Lucius.

“Miss Granger, I wish to speak with you about our mutual problem.”

“What problem, Hermione? I love Draco. That's not a problem, it's wonderful.”

Lucius ignored Harry and spoke directly to Hermione.

“Miss Granger, is it possible that there was a prior attraction between the two?”

“I hadn't really thought about it, but yes, I think there might have been. Harry did spend a lot of time stalking Draco two years ago.”

“Then these feelings cannot be eliminated. They must either be turned to another or accepted.”

“Ginny tried everything.”

“Did she try finding a young, handsome man?”

“Um, actually, I don't think so.”

“That would seem to be the best course of action. I have no wish for a Potter as a son-in-law.”

“I suspect your son feels the same way. I can think of a few men here who might serve...”

“No! I would never do that to Draco! I love him.”

Lucius turned to Harry, and took both of his hands in his.

“Harry, trust me. Draco's been dreaming about watching you with another man for months. He'll be thrilled; it'll be a wonderful birthday present.”

“Oh god, his birthday! Hermione, how could you let me forget his birthday?”

“The burgundy bedroom, one hour. I'd suggest Oliver Wood.”

Hermione nodded and dragged Harry off. He was still ranting about having forgotten Draco's birthday. Lucius smiled. Now all he had to do was convince Draco that this would work.

////////////////////////
About ten minutes later
//////////////////////////

“FATHER! No! Eew! And a thousand times, no!”

“It'll get him away from you. That's what you want, isn't it?”

“Well, yes, but watching two men?”

“Trust me, and do it.”

Draco sighed heavily.

“If you're sure. But why the burgundy bedroom?”

“So I can supervise, and step in when needed.”

“You're going to watch?”

“Only to insure your safety, I promise.”

“Why do I not believe that?”

“Because you're an ungrateful, untrusting brat?”

“Possibly. But I don't have to participate, right?”

“Not if you don't want to, and if you do, I'll stop watching.”

“Fine. But I still don't like it.”

“Duly noted.”

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
The Burgundy Bedroom, a bit later
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Harry sat next to Oliver on the bed. Draco lounged invitingly in an armchair, and it was taking all of Harry's self-control to stay on the bed.

“You sure about this, Harry?”

“Yes. It's Draco's birthday present.”

Oliver looked at Draco, who was studying his nails with an air of absolute concentration.

“If you're sure, then.”

And Oliver leaned over and kissed Harry. Lucius slid the peephole shut. Things would work themselves out, and Draco would get a bit of an education in the process. Plus, there was the sly minx who was currently fondling his arse to deal with.

“Lucius, let's be horribly scandalous and leave the guests to themselves for a bit.”

“People will talk.”

“Let them. I want my husband to come to my bed and I'm not letting him back out till he's so worn-out that he can't walk straight.”

Lucius turned to 'Cissa.

“Promises, promises, my dear. Put your galleons on the table and prove it.”

As she kissed him, he decided that, surprisingly enough, things had worked out. He was alive, still had his family, and right now he was an extremely happy man.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
18 Years Later (and my epilogue is only vaguely-epilogue compliant, so fair warning)
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Lucius sat at the high table, watching the first years file in. They looked small and terrified. He looked for Scorpius in the crowd, and found the boy whispering to another boy with black hair.

Flitwick leaned over to Lucius, who looked at him.

"I do hope we get a good crop in Ravenclaw this year. Maybe we'll even get another Malfoy?"

“Not Pius.”

“Pius?”

“Short for Scorpius. Draco thought that since I'm named after a pope, Pius was a good nickname for his son. Anyway, I'll make you a deal. We'll split the good ones between us, what do you say?"

Flitwick chuckled, nodded his head, and turned back to the Sorting. Lucius wrapped his hand around his goblet and took a sip. The first few students were unremarkable. Aberfore went to Hufflepuff, a Bones went into Slytherin, and a Carrow went into Ravenclaw. A Carrow? He'd known that Alecto had cousins, but it had never occurred to him that they'd bred.

"Malfoy, Scorpius Severus."

Pius walked up to the stool and sat on it. He looked rather apprehensive. Lucius wondered briefly what horror stories Cassie had been telling him. She might be a Ravenclaw, but she still had her full share of Malfoy cunning and she loved to terrify her little brother.

The hat was placed on Pius' head.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Lucius was, well, gob smacked. A Malfoy in Gryffindor! Wasn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse? Pius looked up at him, and he managed a smile. The boy was still his grandson, even if he was a Gryffindor now. And now he had a spy in the Gryffindor common room. This could be a good thing after all.

"Potter, Albus Severus."

The boy'd be in Gryffindor like his brother, father, mother, grandparents, and everyone else he was related to.

"SLYTHERIN!"

Lucius started to laugh. At least one of Severus' namesakes would be in the correct house. And he could mold the boy into a proper Slytherin, and that fool Dumbledore would be turning in his grave. After all, Malfoys always win in the end.